Bitterly sweet sides of life.

The trip to the zoo was great, it was the only day last week that the sun shined too, as if mother nature gave us a little gift herself. Whilst there, Andrew was fixated with this little tiny turtle, I took a pic of him staring it at, and almost as if posing for him, it swam right to the top of the tank and right back down and sat there in front of him.. it was very sweet. We saw a whole array of animals, and had a lovely day, and for the first time in months I was able to relax - properly, we spent over 6 hours there, and honestly it really didn't feel like it. The children all have gifts from there, and we all enjoyed the day, it's definitely worth another visit, another time.
 I'll post some piccys a little later on x
Take care x

Today, since it's slipping into the early hours of the morning. I'm feeling drained and numb. I made a decision, and even though in my mind it's for the right reason, I have to live with its consequences. 

My daughter, Kate, was having an affair with someone, and although she's only 16 she wore his engagement ring, and to me the ring is a bond of a promise, not a bond of lies. I couldn't justify to myself knowing what she was doing and doing nothing. I've been cheated on more than once, and seen my dad cheat on my mum twice.  I was sat here knowing she spends one day in the arms of one man, and in the arms of another man the next night. How could I not feel? How and I shut that off? I couldn't. I told his mum what she was doing, but, also unraveled in the conversation with his mum was the web of lies she's said about us, all sickening, she even said that I wanted her and her sister to get pregnant.. how could she? I was pregnant at 15 gave birth at 16, pregnant at 16 (Was cheated on, he went to a 14 year old). And left to raise two children alone by 17. Nothing could be further from the truth then what she said. I told my mum what she said too as she lives with her. She said, 'Teens will be teens'. What the heck, what about morals? Or am I alone in my morals? 
To top it off. Kate sent me the most hateful message tonight too, full of swearing, and although it stated she wanted nothing more to do with me, I wrote back, and it's taken over a couple of hours to compose. I'm not going to go at length, but she's got to stop her vicious lies, (The reason she doesn't live with me in the first place). Consider not just herself but her siblings too, and start with a clean slate. The choice of cause is hers. And what she does from now on is her choice too, but I've also said anymore lies about us I will get the authorities involved. 


You know, I don't know what it says about me as a mum. Like anyone I go by what I feel is right, I've tried, and in some ways I've failed. 


All this emotional draining takes its toll. That and it's 2am. 
Goodnight. xx

It's only in recent time that some schools are doing proms here in the UK. I'm aware they've been an American tradition for a long time, but anyway, Sarah and I have spent hours looking at dress after dress, much to my thinning patience, lol, but she eventually found the 'special one', I told her I'd chat it over with Mike and bookmarked the page. Without her knowing we then had a chat and I ordered and payed for it. A little while before bedtime she brought it up saying she couldn't wait.. And I said that it's a good job I'd ordered it then! Her squeals of delight filled the house! Even though she fast apologised and went quieter as the rest of the house were in bed lol,  It's something I've not heard her do since being a little one, and it's wonderful to hear her that happy :) I said I'd take the blame if she woke anyone.. since I could have picked a better time of day/night to tell her lol. Still. I bet she's going to look beautiful xx Photo to follow :)

Had a good chat with the health visitor, she mentioned a group for younger children. I must admit. I got a little scared to start with, social situations and me are normally a big no-go area.. I told her how I felt, I also told her that Andrew is already uncertain of people he doesn't know, and can get really tearful around strangers, even her if she doesn't come enough, and she did agree... he's only 7months and I don't see that as being a positive thing. But I also asked her how people are going to be around me, I don't know why I asked her that. I've had very mixed reactions from people making accusations, to one man calling my kids 'my little helpers'.. Oh I so put him straight. They are my children, not my helpers. End of.. (That is one sure way to piss me off). To people being fine with me being a wheelie-mum. Well she basically said that there's going to be ignorance no matter where you go. And that Andrew deserves the same as any other child. I couldn't argue to that, not even in my 'mentally analyse every detail from every angle' kind of way, which is something I have a natural talent for, (Though it's certainly not a gift, not when I can be at it for the same topic for weeks, or months even). So she's brought me a flyer for the center and it lists their activities, now all I need is to find my nerve, wish me luck! 
Love n hugs
Louise x