Bitterly sweet sides of life.

I was back on the phone again, well officially yesterday since it's 5:05am, (And yes this sad-sap is sat here lol). I'd been sent a letter stating that I needed to attend a medical on behalf of the benefits office, errm yeah OK,  no income how the hell was that going to happen? Simple. It wasn't. So I rang them up and told them as much.. They actually were under the impression we'd got paid, errm no, she spent awhile on the phone with me sorting out my details and security gubbins, then arranged with me to pay us.. now I can relax about the whole financial situation, as I know the payment's going in.
 Now the medical on the other hand, that's something else entirely, they feel so invasive, it's less than a year since the last one, and not only do they make me reflect negatively, (And that's something I actually have to go out of my way not to do at times, even if eventually it still has the tendency to creep up on me). But as a private person, as far as my personal space is concerned at least, I know that when the darn medical's due, it will fire off my anxiety and depression. Oh joy. 
And it's due in a couple of weeks, which is not as far away as I'd like it to be.


Anyway I'm going to sort a fresh pair of Pj's as I love and live in my Pj's lol, and go for a shower... I'll be back in awhile to post a couple of pics of Andrew (Pudding). So those who aren't on my FB can have a peek. (It will also give me something else to think about).
See you later x 

Here it's Wednesday, 5 03am. 
I'm so tired yet my head is pounding with anxiety.. I've literally just took my meds for it.
Yesterday was a damn nightmare.. I've been disabled since I was 19, I'm now 33, (Geez it's really been that long)?! The government have decided on a 'great idea' to reduce the numbers on benefits, and after I've sent my form, they've stopped the money I was receiving, but haven't looped it over with the new benefit, so in a nutshell there's been no money payed to us, so, I'd spent a good amount of time on the phone trying so sort out something, anything, because as I said to them we have a 7mth old baby, and my partners diabetic so he has to eat, and they've given us a £30 loan. It will pay for something's for now, just hope they hurry up before the bills mount and we get buried in it, (They know our circumstances). As that's something else I've been doing too, I've been phoning around explaining why the DD's out the bank have bounced back, (And I have to incur charges for that too). Only to have to talk to some of the rudest people that I've spoken to in along time, to the point it upset me and I ended up talking to them like a frigging babbling moron. (I'm no good on the phone but even worse when I know it's not going to go right). But we shall see what happens and how long it takes, though that being said I'll be on the phone again if they haven't sorted it by Monday. 
Hmm ever notice the government penalize those who need the help most? The others get to treat the system like a doormat, 'wipe their feet on them, and walk away'... 
I'm going to go to bed, even if it's just to close my eyes and try to give my brain a break.
Goodnight n hugs x 

It really has been along time since I last updated.. Getting my marbles together, sorting out life in general, you know how it is.
 Well. I had a little boy on the 14th June, even at full term he was just 5lb 9oz, tiny, and beautiful.  He was born suffering respiratory distress, his blood sugar dropped between feeds drastically, I had to feed him every 3 hours if he wanted it or not - which often resulted in him being sick, and his temperature plummeted, but he was put in a specially heated cot and within a couple of days he was well enough to go home. He then had problems with his skin and soreness, though it was nothing that time and cream didn't help.
  He's a lovely little addition to our family, he's a beautiful little boy, and although I'm not a perfect mum, (If there is such a thing). But, I'm now a very proud mum, not only to 'Baby Andrew' who's now 6 months old, but to four children, two girls and two boys.

As for weight and depression now, sod it lol, there is more to life. I've spent to long worrying about things that will change themselves in their own good time.
Love to all
Louise x

My weight is really getting to me, I'm a top size 20-22.. My cup size doesn't help in making me look bigger still, I'm getting depressed over it. Everytime I see my mum I hear her say that I'm big, people have made comments about my eating, and everytime I goto antenatal I have to hear references to my BMI and my weight. It's literally had me in tears..
My ability to exercise is limited, and although I'm aware I've lost some weight since I quit drinking, (As I can now fit into a smaller-none stretch trousers, and some smaller bras). It's not enough, people wont stop going on, so I've gone on a diet, the max in calories I've eaten this week is little over 1300, (And I know I've done under 600). It's given me a couple of minor issues, but then the important thing is, is that the weight comes off a bit faster. I want people to drop it, I know I'm fat, so I don't need telling I'm fat.

I've also been browsing diet pills/appetite suppressants. I might hang on until I'm later in the pregnancy for those though, we'll see how it goes.