Bitterly sweet sides of life.

So much has gone off these past few weeks that I've not been able to gather my marbles, let alone blog, but here we go, a bit of a long one. 

..Sarah went to live with her boyfriend a couple of months ago, he's 29, she is 17, I was a little surprised, as he is nearly 5 years younger than me, but said all that I asked was that he took care of her. Yet, he was not providing food and taking her wages, I got the police involved after she sounded incoherent on the phone, they literally had to break into his place, and she was taken to hospital, she was exhausted and very thin, her chest looked like an xylophone, and her skin hung, it upset me a great deal. We had her here for a few days after she was released from hospital, and all she did was want him. Virtually pine for him. Nothing I could do would make her see what's in front of her face. She slept for 12 hours straight for the first night alone, and ate well whilst she was here, she's now what I'd class as being underweight, but she's decided she wants to still be with him. She's 17, nearly 18, but legally, here, there is little I can do. And I'm also painfully aware that the more I try and hold her away, the more determined she is to go to him. So, I've made sure that she has a house key, and told her my door is always open. She is also welcome to pop in for a meal whenever she wants to. I've also arranged for her wages to go in my bank at least that way I can put them in her hands. Mike has also been and had a strong word with her boyfriend.. I'm not sure if that's come to any good, but there is no point just telling Sarah how it is, when he's mostly responsible. 
 I've also told her that she has got to eat, that, that isn't acceptable, as not only is she starving her body, but her brain too, which is why she's felt confused, forgetful, cold, ill, and having all the accidents she's having at work, and as she works in a kitchen, you should  see how many burn scars shes accumulated. 
It's been a little while since this went off, the air had to clear a little, but she spent the night with us last night, and at least the eating issue seems to have sunk in, as she doesn't seem to have lost anymore weight. 
So.. if I've forgotten anything, or recent Birthday cards/gifts, have arrived late, it's not because I don't care, it's because we've been worried sick, and I've had a lot to sort out..

Jay is struggling at school, the children don't really understand why his behaviour is different, and academically he struggles, as he always has. I'm going to raise the issue of a possible special school, again, I'm not sure if they will or wont allow it, there was a time when his statement of special educational needs would have got him into one, not anymore, the school and board have to agree to it, *Sighs. I'll try, and I'll try as hard as I can, and we'll see. 

Andrew, now Andrew still isn't walking yet, the HV said it's normal for bum shuffling babies to walk late, and I know at least two bum shufflers to walk at about 2 so I'm not worried it means a little less 'running' behind him, and moving things up another level lol. At least for now he is getting up and down with confidence, walking round the furniture, and letting go with one hand, he just doesn't seem to want to go for it, either that or he is making me wait ;) We think he will be walking by Christmas, we'll just have to see.. Come on Andrew! His speech is really good.. he's saying a good variety of words, which I'm happy about, cat, car, poo, hi'ya, mum, dad, meow, bye-bye, (Waves). Nan, dog-dog, one, two (As I count when I give him things). Sort of says Sarah, calls Jay, Bob. Ta, no, juice, And a few others that I've probably missed lol. He likes making rocket noises, car noises, roar noises, and he likes babble-singing rhymes with me, he often does the hand movements too, like the ones from 'round and round the garden' and 'Itsy bitsy spider'. 

As for me I'm tired, spending most days feeling that way, but going forwards. They are on about sending me to an MS unit, as I've been told it's 'possible MS' I just have to wait, it's got to the point that they could diagnose me with anything, long has gone, the time for emotionally falling apart, that's just not going to happen. I need answers. 

My 'strange mood scribble'.. if you understand it's fine, if you don't it's fine too lol. It's not aimed at anyone specific, it's just a feeling.
 Behind every awareness ribbon comes countless stories, behind each story comes a person, a person with life, life event's, moments, moments to laugh, to cherish to fulfill, hopes and dreams, passions, goals, achievements and so much more, that comes with their name. Never forget what makes a person, a person. Never forget what makes you laugh, never forget the dreams, goals, passions, well, everything. (And there is so much more then I can even dream to put). And the awareness of a ribbon, shows a private battle, but it isn't everything, awareness should only make people aware. (We can all fit with a ribbon somewhere). But a person. You. Is what makes you whole.

I have read a post on FB once, that read something on the lines of: Giving people a second chance is like handing them a second bullet because they missed the shot the first time.
I hope this doesn't apply to the second chance that I've given my mum, I don't even know if I could take a 'second shot', theoretically speaking.
But I have given her another chance.
I have yet to speak to my second eldest DD. There are issues still there, that, and it might just take a little more time, and a lot more thought, before I can figure out what to do. Building bridges doesn't happen over night, especially not bridges that run through your mind and heart.

I don't want to be perfect.
I don't want to be special.

I just want to be good enough.

Jay is going through a growth spurt again! I can't believe how much he has grown in such a short time. I said to Mike we'd be better off buying his school uniform shortly before he goes back to school or it's not going to fit him, he really is growing like a weed lol. I'll be looking for some more trousers over the next couple of days, and I might get the sewing machine out and make a couple of these pairs into long shorts, since they're in good condition still.
Jay also did really well in his achievements last term too, he's received a medal for everything achieved in year 6, a certificate and pin badge for a cycling course, and he's also got two certificates, a rosette, two pin badges and two photographs for his horse riding with the RDA. He has pretty much worn the rosette and medal on a daily basis, he's done really well for himself and I'm very proud of him. 
He's really done us all very, very proud :) 


Andrew is teething, he's had 5 teeth through in the matter of a short few weeks, the rest at the front all look as though they are on the gum line, I've been told about some really good teething powders, they're natural too and an absolute godsend.. they even stop upset tummies that they often get with teething, I really don't know where I'd be without them. But I'll still be glad when it's all over for him (Lots of love and huggles all round in the meantime too) x


Well as for the me bit, I've got my new soap molds, and I'll be cooking up some soaps tomorrow lol, I've promised Kellie I'll send her some too.. I'll post some pics when I can :) 
I've also got my new scrap book, I've had it for a couple of weeks, the front is all set up, I'll start some pages when I get a little quiet time at a decent hour, (But right now it's 2am). I'm really looking forward to getting all my good memories into my new 'good memories book'. It's something we can work on together.
I also want to have a blast at making a quilt out of Andrews outgrown clothes, it will make a cute memory blanket too - it's just a case of getting my marbles and the time for everything. 
Anyway I'll update as soon as I can with piccys and the what-nots as right now I am so ready for my bed lol
have a great day/Night.


Take care as always
Louise x

After a 'feather ruffling' between a couple of us online, I've decided to 'draw my line in the sand'.
It's as straightforward as this, everything that's been 'said', all grudges etc stay on one side of the sand, and I go on the other side, there's going to be no more mentioning of it, here, there, or anywhere from me. I'm just going to let it go from here on.. because we all have family, health and life issues, and there's nothing to gain from arguing for anyone.
Anyway I'm here as a friend to anyone who wants to join me.. x
Huggles
Louise xx